We just wanted to say thank you so much for all of your encouraging words on our new venture of me being a stay at home working mom with Josh! We know it will be an adventure, with lots of bumps along the way, but so very worth it in the end.
The continuation of the birth story. If you missed Part I, here it is
It had been an hour and a half since I had given birth to the most beautiful baby girl I had ever laid eyes on. The nurses were getting ready to move us up to the mother baby unit where we would be able to have our families come in and meet Eden for the first time. Our bags were packed and the wheelchair was ready for me.
Disclaimer: This photo was taken 3 days after delivery once the swelling had finally gone down and I was able to dress myself
Josh held Eden as they took me in to the bathroom. They wanted me to be able to use the potty before taking me upstairs. I was so determined to make it happen that I promised them I wouldn’t leave until I had done my job (the other option was a catheter which I said NO WAY to). Anyway my determination and a few prayers paid off and I was so excited when I told my nurse that I peed. Seriously it was like the “Hallelujah Chorus” came over the loud speakers…who knew going pee would be such a momentous event. My very wonderful nurse (she really was a rockstar) helped me stand up and right then I felt like something was amiss. The room was going black. I couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that was taking over every inch of my body. Each limb felt so heavy. I looked up at my nurse and with every bit of strength that I had left in me I told her I didn’t think I was going to make it. She knew what that meant and thankfully was ready when my body went limp and fell fast towards the floor.
From there I only remember snippets of what happened. Josh told me that the nurse had him press a red button (apparently it signals an emergency) and five nurses came rushing in. I was dragged back into bed where they pumped me full of fluids. At this point I remember seeing shadows and saying how badly my IV site hurt (it had been ripped out while they rushed me back into the bed). I think one of the nurses apologized, but I don’t remember. Josh had no idea what was happening. He sat there, a brand new father, watching his wife be drug into a hospital bed, appearing lifeless. He says that I let out a very deep moan and that is when he knew something wasn’t right. It is so strange to tell a story that happened to me, but that I do not really remember.
At one point I remember starting to wake up and having a panic attack as I remembered that I had just given birth to our baby and had no idea where she was or what happened to her. My eyes darted around the room until they settled on Josh. I really truly thought that I heard her crying and with fear in my eyes I asked if our baby was okay. Of course she was just fine. She was in her daddy’s arms. I hated not really remembering what my baby looked like and not being able to see her or feel her. It was at this point that I was so thankful for Josh and I knew he would take good care of our brand new daughter since I was unable to provide any care for her.
That was really painful for me, admitting that I was unable to take care of my own baby. Me. Her mom. The one that had carried her for the past 9 months. I was supposed to be the one person that was nursing her for the first time and cradling her in my arms. Although I have moments of sadness looking back on that time, I still have a smile on my face knowing that Eden had such special moments with her daddy, ones that she may not have had if I had been awake.
After much time had passed and I was semi-coherent I finally found out that my blood levels were dangerously low.
:::Avert your eyes if you are squeamish for just a moment:::
After Eden was born and the doctor was delivering the placenta he had discovered that it had broken apart quite a bit. The process actually took a LOOOONG time and became extremely painful. It was imperative that he get every piece so that meant a long, painstaking process. Because of this, I lost more blood than my body could handle. In fact, it was actually recommended that I get a blood transfusion, but at this point I was just feeling much too weak to go through yet another procedure so I chose bedrest and iron pills for 2 weeks. Thankfully that worked, it just made my recovery MUCH longer.
:::Okay squeamish people, you can come back now:::
Many hours later I had finally been moved to the mother baby unit. I could hardly even hold my head up, but thankfully the trip to the room that I would occupy for the duration of my stay wasn’t too far. The nurses settled me into the bed and I was given strict instructions to only get up when a nurse was present. Let me tell you, trips to the potty were quite ridiculous. I would have to call in a nurse, and then spend the next 5 minutes adjusting my body to sitting upright. Then with supports on both arms, I would make the 5 foot trek to the bathroom. Walking that 5 feet felt like it took an eternity.
Honestly, during my stay I was truly blessed by some fabulous nurses. The nurse that was in my room when I arrived in the mother baby unit was amazing. She had such a sweet disposition and did everything she could to make me feel more comfortable. She took fabulous care of Eden and taught Josh everything he needed to know to ensure that Eden was well cared for throughout our stay.
At this point we still were unable to bring in our family since I was still too weak so they ended up going home for the night, never getting to meet the newest addition to the family. That was heartbreaking for me. I had dreamt of the moment that we could present our baby to all of her relatives.
Around 1 a.m. Eden finally got her first bath. I had been propped up in bed to watch, but my skin quickly turned yellow and my whole body began swelling so I was quickly laid down and the only way I could see any part of Eden’s first bath was from pictures that Josh took. Another disappointment.
At this point I still had been unsuccessful in feeding Eden. Our fabulous nurse knew I was upset knowing that my baby had not yet latched and she spent the next half hour helping me feed her. It was so hard. I was too weak to really know what I was doing and Eden just had no interest. We ended up leaving the hospital with Eden never latching. And yet another disappointment.
With all of the regrets and disappointments, there were so many more blessings. Nothing went as I had planned after she was born, and yet I still ended up with a baby who was healthy and safe. I may have gone through a lot, but in the whole scheme of things it was not really that big of a deal. It was not fun to go through, but I am alive and although recovery was long, I am much stronger because of it. I don’t want to look back on Eden’s birth as a time of sadness. Having her here made every moment worth it. Our pictures didn’t turn out well, we took very few photos during our stay, our families had to wait an extra day to meet our baby, we didn’t get to toast her birth with sparkling cider like we planned…but none of that matters. We have our baby. I don’t know if we will ever have another baby of our own (we hope to adopt someday), but I am so happy that God blessed us with this pregnancy. We went from believing I couldn’t get pregnant to having a baby girl in our arms. God is good. That is what we know after this whole experience. I am one lucky lady and in that I can rejoice.
Meeting Grandma and Grandpa Phillips
Meeting Grandma and Grandpa Crain
Meeting Aunt “Nae”
Leaving the hospital
Home at last
Thank you all for joining us on this journey. Thank you for your patience as it took me awhile to feel good enough to write this story. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Wow, I am really in the Thanksgiving spirit right now.