Easter 2013

Easter is by far the most important holiday to me. Not my favorite to decorate for, but that’s not really what Easter is about anyway. Although I believe it is important to celebrate our Savior every day, I really appreciate having that one day to truly celebrate what He has done for us. Jesus died for me. That is huge. I do not ever want to forget what He has done for me.
This year I had to forego the usual Easter festivities and traditions so that Israel and I could continue to rest and recover at home. Josh was able to take Eden to our church’s annual Easter egg hunt…which she thoroughly enjoyed. On Sunday I was able to head up the stairs (something I have only done twice since being home) and enjoy a meal with the family, egg painting with Eden, and an egg hunt on the front lawn. I missed church greatly, but was thankful for our “home church” where we played a couple videos from the Jesus Storybook Bible for Eden and then watched last year’s sermon from David Platt. Speaking of him, if you want to be challenged in a major way, listen to his series on James. Each sermon was amazing. 
Now on to some photos of my sweet babies…
I seriously love these two. They confirm that I want a big family each and every day. 
Her hair kills me. 
Nothing better than my two babies out in the sunshine. 
I haven’t been able to take all the photos I want of the littlest Crain due to being confined to the couch 24/7…although I have been blowing up Instagram…but I did manage to sneak a few photos after a diaper change earlier today. He changes so much each day. Oh my goodness I love this kid so much. 

Can I be honest with you all? My mama heart is struggling this week. I bonded with Israel immediately. This is all thanks to a fabulous birth experience…which has been written, I just need to finish it up and add some photos. Obviously I am thankful for this, but there is one thing that has been bothering me. I have noticed a little bit of fear creeping in. The biggest one came during his three very heavy spit up episodes where he choked and had trouble breathing. It was extremely scary each time and in fact Josh and I took turns checking on him throughout the night last night. I try to be strong and remember that Israel, while entrusted into my care, is truly God’s child. And yet…I broke. I saw him struggling to breathe, and I completely lost all sense. I bawled. I have known him for 9 months in my tummy and 11 days out in the world, and yet I feel like he has been a part of me forever. I am usually pretty calm about these things, but something in me snapped. I know this is “normal,” but it pains me all the same.

I am so thankful for our two babies. They both add something into our family that is unique and fun and perfect. I know there are many tough days ahead, but I do not want to lose sight of the blessings we have.


One thought on “Easter 2013

  1. Love you Mal. I will be praying for Isreal's safety and for peace for you. I really understand what you are feeling, there are times I've looked at my amazing family and am suddenly overwhelmed by fear that this is too good to be true, and a certainty that I could not handle loosing one the 3 people I love most in the world. I went through a time of deep fear, all the while telling myself what you just said- that it's God's choice to take them if it's in His will. It honestly didn't help much, I just began to distrust the "goodness" of God's plan if He chose that for me. I only found peace in the realization that for all of my worry and desperate prayers that God please PLEASE not take them, their days were already numbered and I WILL someday loose them- either to death or growing up. My fear doesn't add one hour to my children's lives, but it does take away my ability to enjoy the time I do have with them. You are an amazing mommy. Do what you feel you need to do to ensure Isreal's safety, cast this very reasonable fear on God, and be sure to give yourself fully to enjoying the gift of this moment. Every one of them is precious, and a moment waisted in worry is one moment less to treasure when they aren't your babies anymore. Love you girl!

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