Choosing Joy

I’ve been so quiet. I wanted to write, but no words came out. This season has been so very hard. Both our season in life and the actual season. Winter. Winter is not my favorite. Here in Oregon it means lots of gray and rainy days and I REALLY don’t love either of those. I was born with sunshine in me. Probably why some of my friends have now taken to calling me, “Sunshine Bear.” It’s true. If it is sunny, I am outside. So being in the midst of winter in a season of unknowns caused some serious struggles within me. And Josh said it best when he referred to this part of our adoption as, “being in limbo.”

I so wish I could share more about that.

God asked us to step out in faith, and we did. And we had perfect peace about it. And then Satan decided to come on in and camp out in my head. Telling me lies. All day long. Add to that the fact that we cannot talk about what we are doing openly at this time (it really is for the best) and whoa. This girl, who constantly talks about being an open book, is really struggling with being in this season of quiet. I want to tell you all about it. I do. But, we know that this really is the best for the situation at hand. So, I am saying, “SORRY!” for being so vague. I really don’t want to be. But I really felt like it was time to say something. Anything. Just to break the silence for a bit. I’ll tell you more as soon as I can. We actually should know more this month. In the meantime, yes, we are most definitely still adopting from Haiti. None of that has changed at all. Our process just might look a bit different than we expected.

Let’s move on, shall we?

Just over a week ago I was in “sunny” Southern California. I use sunny lightly because the only sun I saw was as I was heading to the airport to board my plane. Thanks for nothing weather. The reason I was there was the best part though. I got to attend my second Choose Joy event.

What is Choose Joy? It is a 2-day conference that is centered around infertility and adoption. It is soul refreshing. It is life giving. It is the one place where I can be in a room full of people I have never met and yet feel like I have known them my whole life. While typically large gatherings make my introverted self run and hide, I actually find myself so beyond comfortable and literally loving every minute. And while it was made for men and women experiencing infertility, it absolutely is designed for those that are not walking that road but just love adoption as well. We have not experienced infertility, but we know so many who have. That is such a lonely road to walk. You are literally breaking apart inside, but no one can see it. I have been so thankful that while my soul is being refreshed in terms of adoption, I am also learning how to love those that are walking the hard road of infertility. I am already so ready for next year!

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